The Return of the Ugly Christmas Sweater

Having misplaced my Ugly Christmas Sweater, I had to settle for a Rudolph outfit.

Ugly Christmas Sweaters are making a comeback. In the 70s, we didn’t consider them ugly, they were just whimsical. Today they’re not only ugly, they’re bawdy and more outrageous than ever. Come to think of it, maybe the Ugly Christmas Sweater never went away and I just didn’t notice. (I can’t keep up with everything and write a food blog, too.)

Sweater Flashbacks

This year, when a bout of nostalgia smacked me upside my masked face, I looked about for my vintage Christmas sweater. It was nowhere to be found. I fear it’s been transmigrated to the North Pole, where it’s being worn by some paunchy elf.

I told Russ about my search. He pointed to the sweater he was wearing. “This Aran Fisherman’s sweater is the oldest piece of clothing I have. I got it in Ireland 43 years ago.” Wow! I was impressed, it looked great.

They Don’t Make Christmas Sweaters Like They Used To

I got drippy-eyed as I described my baggy, old cardigan to him. Mine was a bold, neon blue with puffy patches of decorated trees and packages. The loopy garlands that swung from the tree branches occasionally got caught on other objects, but that just made the season more entertaining.

Rudolph Was an Embarrassment

No matter how hard I tried to situate the sweater on my body, Rudolph with his blinking nose always ended up at the bustline. Small bells attached along the sweater’s edge made me tinkle when I walked. (I suppose I could have phrased that more artfully, but you needed a laugh today.)

You could hide a Christmas gift underneath the shapeless cardigan. But today’s version, (or so I read at Tipsyelves), is available in “a flattering tailored fit for every body type.” Well, who want that this time of year? I want a frumpy sweater that camouflages my Covid Christmas poundage.

I’m taking another look for Old Blue.